“Hey, Geniuses: Vandalizing Teslas Is as Dumb as a Bag of Hammers”
Oh, you brave eco-warriors, you absolute paragons of logic! You’ve gone from hugging trees and praising Elon Musk as the messiah of green tech—remember when his electric cars, solar shingles, and charging stations were going to save the planet?—to smashing windows and chucking Molotov cocktails at Tesla dealerships.
Bravo! Nothing screams “I care about the environment” like setting fire to a zero-emission vehicle. Did you miss the memo that these cars are basically rolling surveillance hubs? With more cameras than a paranoid dictator’s palace and sensors that could catch you sneezing from a mile away, you’re not just breaking the law—you’re starring in your own high-def criminal highlight reel.
Let’s talk strategy, you masterminds. You’re mad at Elon Musk for… what, exactly? Tweeting too much? Playing government efficiency cop? So you torch a Cybertruck—caught on its own Sentry Mode, naturally—and think that’s a mic-drop moment? Newsflash: it’s not. It’s a felony, it’s ineffective, and it’s the dumbest way to send a message since carrier pigeons went extinct. Two years ago, you were practically knitting him sweaters made of recycled hemp, gushing over how he’d single-handedly stop climate change. Now you’re spray-painting “RESIST” on a car that’s already a middle finger to fossil fuels? The irony’s so thick you could cut it with a blowtorch.
Here’s a wild idea: if you’ve got beef with Elon, maybe try a petition, a protest, or—gasp—a strongly worded tweet. Instead, you’re out here risking jail time, racking up repair bills, and proving you’ve got the critical thinking skills of a melted snow cone. Teslas don’t deserve this, and neither does anyone’s IQ after witnessing your “activism.” Grow up, put down the spray paint, and maybe crack open a book on how to actually change the world—because this ain’t it, champs.
